Remember Pauly Shore?

I am kinda glad that I have this little blog going. It gives me a chance to vent and correct the errors made when people like John Stossel write horrible, one sided, willfully ignorant pieces on things they know nothing about. Plus he has a funny mustache. There. I said it. John Stossel is a douchbag with a funny mustache and the brains of a trout. And not even a smart trout - one of those trout who gets caught on a hook, thrown back, and the caught on the SAME hook again because they are that stupid.

But enough about him for now.

The other thing I love about the blog is that it gives me a chance to write stories about my sons and share them with the world. Along with that, it gives me a place to store said stories so I don't have to keep them in my memory, which is, at best, a faulty storage medium.

So yesterday, I am driving home from swimming lessons when a song on the radio reminded me of an old Pauly Shore movie. In don't remember the name of this particular piece of celluloid excrement, and it doesn't really matter because they were really all the same: surfer dude is placed into an awkward situation where his idiocy and surfer charms win over the stiff establishment suits and then there is a big party where everyone exchanges Shore-isms like "Chillin' with the weasel, buddy!"

Anyway, I was reminded of a particular line, and said this line out loud with my little 3 1/2 year old in earshot.

"No weezing the juice!" I said loudly, with a trace of surfer accent.

"What?" came the reply from the backseat, where Ryan had been happily playing with his stickers and books.

"Nothing. Never mind."

Ryan, never one to give up on something he is interested in, asks again, "What did you say?"

Crap. Based on previous experience he is not going to give up until I tell him something. And I can't lie to him - I'm not good at it and he knows when I am doing it anyway. So through my negligence as a parent, I have now introduced Pauly Shore into the life of an otherwise innocent young child.

"It's a line from a movie. 'No weezing the juice'."

"No sneezing in the juice?"

"No. The line is 'No weezing the juice' - WEE-ZING. The first letter is 'W' which sounds like Wuh." Check it out. A phonics lesson from Pauly Shore. Who'd have thunk it?

"Ok. No Wuh-eezing the juice."

"Close enough. Now lets just forget this ever happened, ok?"

"NO WEEZING THE JUICE!" comes the reply from the backseat. Clearly this is not going to be forgotten.

"NO WEEZING THE SPRUCE!"

Great. Now we are improvising and adding material from books we have read. (BTW - "The Caboose Who Got Loose" is a great book for kids.)

"No weezing the fire hydrant!"

Ok. That doesn't even rhyme, but he is undaunted and now it is a game, and I am all for new games. "No weezing the tanker truck," I reply. Ryan laughs and is totally into this new pastime.

And so continues the car ride. "No weezing the..." whatever. Sign, red car, policeman, bird, daddy, etc. It doesn't matter. We are happily negating the weezing of whatever it is that our little eyes spy.

When we get home, it seems that Ryan has forgotten all about the new phrase and the game that goes along with it. However, at dinner that night, when we are all sitting around eathing tacos, Ryan shakes his juice cup, which is empty and says "No weezing the juice!"

My wife looks at me as if to say "Great. What have you taught him now?"

"No weezing the tomato," laughs Ryan.

So now I have to explain not only what our first born is saying, but where it comes from and why I said the phrase in the first place.

As of now he seems to have forgotten about the "Weezing" game, but I imagine it will come out at the wrong time in the wrong place. Perhaps at pre-school on Tuesday.

Won't that be fun? Good thing Jen gets to be the one picking him up!